Mr Foster...

Well what can you say. Mr Foster is obviously misunderstood at least that's what his mum says. The police don't agree and so felt little guilt when they gaffed him like a tuna. Official story is he was hit by a passing boat. He is now on hunger strike but given he is a pie-eating bloater, no one is going to get worried until some time next year. His only get well card has come from Benny Hin, whose name, when translated into Swahili, is an anagram of "Scum bag sheister who should be put up against the wall and shot".

The Keith Richards connection is unclear. However the spot where he landed on his head left an impression that looks a little like Mary Magdalene's left breast and has now become a place of pillgrimage fans of Dan Brown and litterary proles.

The coup, nearly forgot about that, seems to have dissolved into typical Fijian lack of enthusiasm for hard work. This is probably a good enough reason to have a beer or two. So as the famous 19th Century, Slovenian poet, Valentin Vodnik, once said in his highly acclaimed work, VRŠAC :

"Pod velikim tukaj Bogom
breztelesen bit želim,
čistga hlipa sred med krogom
menim, da že v néb' živim"

FD